The Citizen Exchange Program: Trump’s Bold New Immigration Swap
Washington, D.C. – June 4, 2025
The Citizen Exchange Program. Dubbed “the greatest deal in American history” by President Donald J. Trump, this audacious initiative allows immigrants to enter the United States—but only if they’re swapped one-for-one with an “America-hating liberal”
Rosie O’Donnell became the first liberal traded, swapped for an Irishman from Dublin who “loves monster trucks and the Second Amendment.” The administration called the swap “absolutely tremendous.” Trump declared “For every hardworking immigrant who loves this country, we’re sending one whiny liberal to wherever they think is better.”

How It Works
Immigrants seeking U.S. residency must submit an application, a resume, and a heartfelt essay titled “Why I Love America.” If approved, they’re matched with a liberal who has been flagged by the Department of Homeland Security.
The criteria for identifying “America-hating liberals” are, according to the administration, “totally scientific and not at all personal.” Sources include social media posts criticizing the Second Amendment, ownership of more than three reusable straws, or any public statement suggesting that we should all still be wearing surgical face masks. Once identified, the liberal is offered a one-way ticket to an available country in exchange for their U.S. citizenship, which is then transferred to an incoming immigrant from that country.

“It’s a win-win,” said LGBTQ+ Today President Kat Mitch.
“Finally, a policy that balances the scales,” shouted Tucker Carlson, who has reportedly been appointed the program’s “Chief Patriotism Czar.” “For every immigrant who wants to work hard and salute the flag, we’re deporting someone who thinks ‘freedom’ is just a trigger word. It’s genius.”
Juan Morales, a mechanic from Honduras, said, “I’ve always dreamed of living in America, where I can fix cars and eat a Big Mac. If it means some guy named Chad has to move to Honduras, I’m okay with that.”
Meanwhile, the X platform is flooded with memes of liberals being air-dropped into Mexico.
Supporters, however, see it as a bold reassertion of American values. “If you don’t like it here, why stay?” asked Ted Nugent, who has volunteered to personally escort liberals safely to the airport. “We’re trading complainers for contributors.”