WASHINGTON, D.C. — House Democrats unveiled the Bigfoot Bathroom Access Act of 2025, a sweeping $47 trillion initiative to construct Sasquatch-only restrooms in every U.S. national park. The bill aims to ensure “equitable potty parity” for America’s elusive, fur-covered residents. Lawmakers were initially going to call the bill “The Bathroom for Bigfeet Access Act” but ran into issues with the National Foot Health Foundation (NFHF).

“Bigfoots are marginalized, misunderstood” Rep. John McCall declared at a press conference.

The proposed facilities would feature 12-foot ceilings, bidets, reinforced commodes built to withstand 800-pound users. Additional amenities include claw-sharpening stations and complimentary pine-scented air fresheners.

The debate took a surreal turn when a libertarian splinter group, the Freedom Fellers of Yellowstone, vowed to protest by chaining themselves to a 30-foot inflatable rubber duck in Old Faithful’s geyser basin. “Bigfoot doesn’t want your bureaucratic bathrooms!” shouted their leader, Zeke Jenkins, who claims to have once arm-wrestled a Sasquatch over a jar of moonshine. “Let nature’s bathroom be the wilderness!”

One thing is certain – if the bill passes: America’s forests will smell slightly better.